********                           No, but I did go to court.  I didn’t know what to say, so I pled “confused.” I somehow got out of both tickets. I was told the license plate border was illegal in Georgia. Really! Kinda figured that out when I got my ticket. I thanked the district attorney and the judge and raced out of the courtroom, or at least I tried. I couldn’t figure out how to open the doors. I thought I was locked in, so I sat back down and asked a fellow criminal how to get out of the courtroom. I figured out I had to push a large button and then push the door. The fine for the license plate border would have been $150. The expired registration fine would have been around $200. 

P.S. If your cell phone isn’t turned off and it begins to ring or vibrate during the session, you get arrested. It puts a spin on the AT&T tag line, “More bars in more places.”

• Today I went downtown to take care of my tickets. I couldn’t help notice the many license plate borders I saw covering the registration stickers of the cars in front of me. I was told by Officer Ben Dover that the ticket for my plate border would be dropped if I showed the people downtown it was removed. 
• 
  
• Fine, then I would only have to pay for the expired registration. 
• 
  
• So I told the lady behind the bullet proof glass what he had said. She informed me they couldn’t do anything of the sort and since I had been given two tickets, it was required by law that I go to court on Feb. 19th. 
• 
  
• I had never heard such a thing. In most states, all you have to do is pay and it’s over. I walked away and realized I had class on the 19th and needed to change my court date. I went to window #3 and explained the situation. The woman said I could write the judge a letter to push back the date. She slid a piece of computer paper under the window. I went into the adjacent room and began to write…”To Whom It May Concern.” 
• 
  
• I went to another window to turn it in. Window Lady #8 asked to see my citations. From the look on her face you would have thought I ran over a group of tourists or caused a 20 car pile up. She basically said it wasn’t a good idea to change the date. She went on to say, if for some reason I missed my court date they would suspend my license and charge an extra $100. It was around this time someone started to flip out in the middle of the courthouse. Some guy had been pushed to edge and kept yelling that he was next because he had been passed on to so many different windows. I felt his pain…but was thankful they had metal detectors. 
• 
  
• I felt like I was in a foreign country. Then it hit me, maybe Georgia secretly became it’s own country after the civil war. Maybe, they just gradually started to ignore constitutional rights and no one paid attention. I wondered what would happen if I said the wrong thing in court. Would I be thrown in a jail cell with some scary woman nicknamed Big Bertha? Hmmm.
• 
  
• Hopefully, she’s nice.  

 

• So I got a ticket. 
• 
  
• Actually, I got two tickets. 
• 
  
• I decided to go to Kinko’s around 2am on a Sunday night. I told myself,” I’m not on drugs and I haven’t had a drop of alcohol, so I guess I can go.” I know that when it’s that early in the morning there’s going to be a lot of police officers out. I know that I don’t really have to do anything to get pulled over. They can always say I was driving erratically or some other crap like that. 
• 
  
• Well, the Sunday night pull-over fell into the category of “some other crap like that.” Officer Ben Dover (name has been changed to protect the ridiculous) had tailed me for a couple blocks. After he stared at the back of my car for about 5 minutes, he decided to flip on his lights. I pulled over to the side of Peachtree. He asked for my license and registration. I asked him what I had done. He said that the West Virginia University Alumni plate border was blocking my registration sticker and that was illegal. Really? I’ve had it on there for 3 years. 
• 
  
• I searched through my glove box for my registration. When I finally found it, I realized that it had expired a few weeks ago. I never received a 30 day notice and for some reason I thought it expired in February. You can’t tell by looking at the sticker because it only has the year. He told me to pull into a parking lot. I complied with his orders. I then realized I had just missed my opportunity to talk my way out of it. I just stared at the cars going by. I swear the people inside looked like they had been drinking or taking drugs. Good thing he caught the person with the expired registration. I’m glad he was there to protect and to serve the public. He got out of his car 15 minutes later. He told me he had written two tickets. One for my expired registration and one for blocking the sticker. I told him that I was a student and on my way to Kinko’s. But it was too late. He said I could go to court and see if I could get out of it or get it reduced. Thanks. 
• 
  
• What really makes me mad is that I didn’t really have to go to Kinko’s. It was just a nicer way to present my work.  
• 
  

********************Dramatization***************************************************************************************************************************************************************************IIIIIIIK  I know it looks like an 8-year-old sketched this, but I just wanted to get my point across.

Wrong sluts.

I’m talking about the shots. Both are very good, but the Red Headed Slut is more popular. Why? I think it’s the Jager that makes the Red Head a little sluttier. The Blonde Headed Slut contains Grand Marnier. Grand Marnier doesn’t scream slut. It screams, “I have a stick up my ass and the only person you’ll be touching later is yourself.”

Red Headed Slut

1 oz Jager
1 oz Peach Schnapps
2 oz Cranberry Juice

Pour over ice and strain.

Blonde Headed Slut

1 oz Grand Marnier
1 oz Peach Schnapps
2 oz Pineapple Juice

Pour over ice and strain.

I was watching “Sex and the City” a few years back and saw an episode with a dog named Mr. Winkle. I didn’t think it was a real dog because he looked so fake. I saw the episode again last night and decided to google Mr. Winkle. I guess in 2000 he was a big internet star and had his own calendar. Here is a link to his website and some interesting pics.

Here’s a clip of Mr. Winkles.

I have discovered how guys control themselves. Check out the last tidbit of information on this site.

Did you know that the 90’s is hiding on ABC.com. Due to the writer’s strike, ABC has brought back “My So-Called Life.” They currently have two episodes available for your viewing pleasure. I never really watched it when I was younger, so I decided to see what all the fuss was about.

Here is a clip from this extremely deep show.

I’m sorry, this is lame. I don’t get it. I don’t wanna get it. Bring back the writers, not the 90’s.

Good job WVU Football Team on your Fiesta Bowl win.

I usually go to the bowl games, but I was unable to attend this year. I wish I could have been there.

I won’t bore you with the reason I haven’t blogged in a month, but if you really need one…

Here are my top 5 reasons why I haven’t blogged.

1. I was introduced to Matthew Mcconaughey and had a month long love affair in the Bahamas.
2. I lived in the woods among the squirrels, ate nuts, and learned to speak thier tongue.
3. I had a long hard quarter and checked into a hedonism resort.
4. I was lost among the many peachtree streets, avenues, and groves in Atlanta and just found my way home.
5. I got drunk and joined an underground dodgeball team made up of 12 year olds.

Feels good to be back!